i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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