The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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