We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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