She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
