Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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