do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
