I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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