Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
