I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
