Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
