We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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