you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
