I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize