Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
