I am in a vortex of obligation.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
