Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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