get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
