Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
