Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
