tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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