Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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