Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
