Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
