A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
