My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
