I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
