What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
