Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
