I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
