sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
