That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
