So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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