I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
