I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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