im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
