don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize