my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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