I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i came on her dog
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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