I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
