First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
