last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
