Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
