ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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