you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
