I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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