I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
