There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
