i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can I color on your dick again?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
