apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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