Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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