if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
