someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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